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10/03/99 09:12:22 PM

It's unfortunate. But we must consider it a fact of life that there are a lot of perverted-ass non-sex-having'- punk-motherfuckers out there. They love going to shows because it gives them an opportunity to pinch a tit, grab an ass, or rub a crotch. The mosh pit is a chance for these bastards to interact with the opposite sex in ways that one-handed day dreaming and self-inflicted spankings cannot provide. With holes in their pockets and dicks in hand, they set upon the mosh pit foaming at the mouth with one goal in mind: coping a quick feel so that they may be satisfied until the next show. The bottom line is that females must always be respected in the pit. Most women are already intimidated, so why make it more difficult. But ladies, you have to help out! If some punk-motherfucker named Chester disrespects you, let somebody know right away and don't feel guilty. He's the asshole that accosted you! Let's see how much Chester likes to get touched with a fist or a boot or a bat to the maw. Since Chester likes to get his rocks off, I'll hold him down after the gig and we can try a game of testicular soccer. It's only a little different than pocket-pool.