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12/26/00 12:24:33 PM

Special Thanks goes out to Michelle Lebow-Winter for most of this. 

QUOTES FROM GREAT THINKERS IN ATHLETICS

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season..."I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." * Football commentator and former player Joe Theisman, 1996

"You guys line up alphabetically by height." * Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach. "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

1982 -Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

1991 -Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."

1996 -Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."

1991 -Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

1987 -Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

1991 -Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' "

AND THE MOST QUOTABLE OF ALL TIME:

Mike Tyson, professional boxer, on all sorts of things:

"I'm on Zoloft to keep me from killin' y'all. The medicine has really messed me up. I don't want to be taking it, but they are concerned about the fact I'm a violent person, almost an animal. They only want me to be an animal in the ring, but not outside it."

"I want [Lennox Lewis'] heart. I want to eat his children. I will rip his heart out and feed it to him. I will put a bullet in his skull. Praise be to Allah !"

I like to hurt women when I make love to them. I like to hear them scream with pain, to see them bleed."

"[As a child] I appeared to be retarded. I never thought I was, though."

"I don't care about the championship, I just want to hurt people. I don't know anything about being the heavyweight champion or being a good, respectable person. I just want to keep bringing guys on and I'm going to strip them of their health."

"I'm a street person. I'm belligerent, I'm sometimes vicious and violent. But look at my life. I've been embarrassed...humiliation, degradation, any other '-tion' you can name."

"[Boxing trainers and managers] are scum. They should stand on their mothers' shoulders and kiss my ass."

"I know I'm going to blow one day. There's not much more of this shit I can take. I try very hard, I'm doing a very good job, sir, I'm doing a very good job.  I'm just really angry these days. Really, really angry."

Classic.