The office was last cleaned on

07/05/99 12:24:21 AM

Mmkay, kids... here it is. To live life the best way, just follow the instructions on how to be good by finding out what is bad....

101 Things that are Bad...

1. Screwing people of the same sex is bad
2. The emotion morose is bad
3. Being on the cover of Crack Whore Magazine is bad
4. Having a loose tie is bad
5. Crapping in a porta-john when it's upside down is bad
6. Screwing your dog is bad
7. Not visiting Mackey's Office is bad
8. Injecting heroin directly into your brainstem is bad
9. Playing with your fireman is bad
10. Spanking your puppet is bad
11. Sniffing glue is bad
12. Peeing in the wind is bad
13. Biting the head off of little beavers is bad
14. Killing little boys in orange parkas is bad
15. Being as fat as King Kong Bundy is bad
16. Making fun of Barbara Streisand's nose is bad
17. Ripping off the WWF's storylines is bad
18. Having a slow server like Tripod is bad
19. Spray painting swastikas on Kyle's house is bad
20. Being Michael Jackson is bad
21. Farting Fire is bad
22. Watching Baywatch is bad
23. Killing your grandpa is bad
24. Doing your sister is bad
25. Being a hermaphrodite whore is bad
26. Zipping up, without first tucking "it" in is bad
27. Spanking someone's ass while calling them Charlie is bad
28. Hardcore porn is bad
29. Being a Spice Girl is bad
30. Being a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Lee is bad
31. Whorin' is bad
32. Listening to John Tesh records is very bad
33. Buying Microsoft products is bad
34. Playing spin the bottle with Sally Struthers is bad
35. Castrating Mosquitoes is bad
36. Drinking oil while smoking marijuana is bad
37. Making fun of people's speech impediments is bad
38. The opposite of good is bad
39. Talking to a piece of shit is bad
40. A rabid chipmunk gnawing on your balls is bad
41. The letter H is bad
42. The color mauve is bad
43. Self-mutilation is bad
44. Killing little boys because they wear orange parkas is bad
45. The Rangers are bad
46. Calling Mr. Mackey bad is bad
47. Talking in the third person is bad
48. Dogs that aren't housebroken are bad
49. Dressing up as a ghost on Halloween is bad
50. Using crazy glue before you masturbate is bad
51. Folk music is bad
52. Having the last name Hanson is bad
53. Missing the latest South Park episode is bad
54. Choking to death on your own vomit is bad
55. Snorting baby powder is bad
56. Being three weeks behind on your Dilbert calendar is bad
57. Screwing up the date when you update your site is bad
58. Being Gary Coleman is bad
59. Having "stains" on your dress for two years is bad
60. Liking Corona is bad
61. Forgetting to wipe your ass is bad
62. French kissing dogs is bad
63. Toga parties are bad
64. Diarrhea is bad
65. Spitting into the wind is bad
66. Not knowing who Strapping Young Lad are is bad
67. Painting naked men is bad
68. Mooning a camera is bad
69. Spending your life-savings on a worm farm is bad
70. Using a cigar for uses other than smoking is bad
71. Using sandpaper instead of toilet paper is bad
72. Peeing in a cup is bad
73. Driving your car into a lake is bad
74. Being on the Hidenburg is bad
75. Having the name Pussy Galore is bad
76. Singing songs that make people kill is bad
77. Waking up without kidneys is bad
78. Sitting on Elton John's favorite knee is bad
79. Giving birth to Rosemary's baby is bad
80. Opening up a portal to an alter dimension is bad
81. Sleeping on a bed of nails is bad
82. Wearing an American flag in Iraq is bad
83. Riding a donkey bareback is bad
84. Selling your body to the night is bad
85. Throwing up on your first day of work is bad
86. Getting pennies on Halloween is bad
87. Coin operated beds are bad
88. Enjoying an anal-probe is bad
89. Getting Herpes from cheap prostitutes is bad
90. Being Michael Jackson's special friend is bad
91. Playing with Mookie Sticks is bad
92. Riding in a bulletproof bubble-car is bad
93. Being an ugly piece of trailer trash is bad
94. Knowing who all of the spice girls are is bad
95. Watching the Teletubbies while stoned is bad
96. Peeing your pants is bad
97. Using the word mmmkay repeatedly is bad
98. Slamming your head into a wall is bad
99. Having fantasies about Martha Stewart is bad
100. Trying to cause the downfall of the American government is bad
101. Anti-Mr......... Mackey sites are bad